I write this love letter to the parts of me that prefer to stay hidden. The parts that doubt, lie about, reject and ignore my brilliance.
I know you’re there. Waiting for something to go “wrong”. Waiting to tell me that everything will be okay in your own warped way. You make all my mistakes justifiable and all my failings expected. You protect me from the true expectation of my own unique greatness at every turn.
I find it hard at times to acknowledge you because you make it easy not to try. You make it easy to give up. I find it hard to acknowledge you because you are everything I hope never to be and yet here you are, a part of me.
Your the one who calls me fat, ugly, unforgivable, stupid, lazy and unloveable. Your the one who has another chocolate or convinces me not to do the things that are good for me.
I have tried to ignore you.
I have tried to pretend you don’t exist.
But you do.
And the truth is, I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. I would most likely never rest if it wasn’t for you, or express those pent up emotions. I wouldn’t have the drive to prove you wrong or the grounding to keep me strong.
So instead I have decided to love you. All of my doubt and insecurities. To love all of my self frustrations and hate. I have decided to love you, my shadow side, even when I don’t. Even when you make me cry, or throw a curve ball my way. Even when your wrong and mean, I will love you anyway.